So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
