the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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