So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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