i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
