Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize