Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
