I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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