I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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