Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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