i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize