i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
