before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
