i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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