I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
