i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
