I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Congratulations! We have a period
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize