you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my poor anus
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
