I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize