whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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