I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Randomize