Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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