she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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