we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
