I puked a lego.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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