the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
honey bunches of taint.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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