he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
