she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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