you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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