Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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