I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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