I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
