You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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