worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize