Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
