Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
