Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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