this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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