I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
