Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
