your parents love me but you hate me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
