You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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