my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
