When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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