remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
