I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
