You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You're like the curious george of whores
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
