Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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