his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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