Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
