He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
