My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
