garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
