she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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