Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
