those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
