dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
