I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Sober January is a disaster.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
