we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
