I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize