I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
