Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
