i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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