I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
