I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
nutella sex= disaster
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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