cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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