I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
