So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
