Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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