In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize