remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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