Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize