So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
