Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
