Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
