She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
