I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
