I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
