not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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