I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
