If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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