I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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