He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
