I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
