why didn't you poke me back
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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