Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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