Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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