surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
