why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
